Haunted

I hate this time of year. I hate the Christmas season. Its not just because I'm Jewish. Its not because Christmas is in reality a pagan holiday. Its not the worship of the false god of materialism, Santa Clause. It is all these things and others.

But I am also haunted by memories.

Here is a story of something that happened over twenty years ago. It was towards the end of the shopping season. I was in New Jersey for some reason. I was walking thru some department store in a mall. I don't remember why, but I was in a foul mood. I was rushing thru the store, going to the parking lot. I had to go thru the fragrance section. There were a number of young ladies who were working in the section, demonstrating cosmetics and giving samples of fragrances. As I stormed thru the section, one of these young ladys asked me very nicely, "Would you like to try Calve Kline for men"? (it may have been some other fragrance. I don't remember the brand.) I stopped. I looked at her and I am sure that I looked like I was completely disgusted. I said in the nastiest way I could, "You've got to be kidding"! and I stormed away. As I left, I heard her mumble under her breath, "No, I wasn't". I remember the sound of her voice was like some one who had just been wounded to the soul.

What I had done and how I acted was inexcusable. I knew it as I walked away. I knew I should have gone back to her and apologized and begged for her forgiveness. But I was too embarrassed to do so.

To this day I am haunted by what I did. I whish I could go back in time and make amends for how I acted. She was probably a nice young girl who was seasonal help for the store. I can imagine that she was excited at the prospect of working in such a fancy store. Then she had to be confronted by a total EXPLETIVE like me. I cannot walk thru a fragrance section of a department store without thinking of her and how I wounded her. And I will never ever be able to say to her that I am sorry.